5.6.24 - pre-birthday journal

Monday of my birth week - I reluctantly chose to order a car to work because I didn’t like the idea of transferring buses on the first day of my work week. A fortunate decision! My lyft driver, Michael, had much to say to me that I was eager to hear. The May day parade was resurrected after a few years without it, his dog Zeus which he adopted was a wolf mutt just like his childhood dog Thor - he has had two dogs that are “lightning lords.” We talked about controlling our allergies through mind control, how we have to power within ourselves to change ourselves and our surroundings, that it’s hypothesized that each of our cells has a form of consciousness that we could tap into if we were able to access more brain power, energy healing/transference and auras, psychic mediums and the planes that exist beyond our own and I acknowledged my gratitude for him at the end of our conversation. I’ve been looking to connect with my spirituality more frequently or more constantly, and it was refreshing and affirming to hear his personal accounts of spirituality and psychology and how they align. Thank you for the wonderful conversation, Michael.

I woke up this morning with eyes burning to the chirp-like meows of my cat waiting to be fed breakfast. We walked down the stairs together and usually when I would move on with my morning after filling his fruit shaped food bowl, I remembered that I must also feed myself. A lot of mornings I quickly hop to my double shot of espresso, then to my closet and mirror to dress and beautify myself, and then hurry out the door. For the first time in weeks I made myself breakfast - nothing fancy, but my favorite simple breakfast; sourdough toast with tomatoes and olive oil. Accompanied with espresso, it makes for a very european-feeling morning. I imagined my outfit the night before after looking at the weather forecast. Today is to be sunny and just over 70 degrees - so I don my sweet white vintage dress with light pink flowers embroidered on the chest and lace ruffles lining the bodice that is beautifully drop waisted. My hair is still in tousled waves from how I styled it yesterday, and my bangs are braided on each side of my face, long enough to tuck behind my ears. Simple and slouchy white hanes socks paired with my metallic silver mary janes completes the doll-like look. I had considered wearing sneakers but I felt it was worth feeling a little fancy today. 

I started using lip liner and overlining my top lip ever so slightly to balance out my bottom lip and it has me feeling very sensuous and beautiful. It is taurus season after all, and it feels so nice to let myself feel beautiful in a very natural way. I also spent some time in the sun yesterday, which I think allows me to feel more beautiful without make up- even though I still opted to wear a bit to work to emphasize my features. I think it can be nice to be beautiful, especially in my job. I sit at the front desk and I sort and I file and I greet those who walk past me and wish them a good morning. Perhaps I’m inspired by my viewing of Fantasia this weekend. The piece which they interpreted to be mythological made my heart sing - it was totally Venusian in nature - fantastical and aesthetically pleasing. It depicted my favorite creatures growing up - unicorns, pegasuses, centaurs, gods and goddesses. It was absolutely beautiful and it seemed like home to me, to the place within my heart, the way I view the world when no clouds of doubt loom overhead. So I bat my eyelashes and comb my hair with the same loving and magic touch. I admire the flowers and stop to smell them as often as I can. I thank the universe for the abundance of lilac bushes in my neighborhood and the wonderful wafts of the delicate scent that every so often can reach my third floor bedroom window. I hope and pray for the weather to turn its tide before the weekend so I can celebrate my birthday with an outdoor picnic, but I will be happy even if I can’t. I try to say thank you, and look forward to the things that I often would dread.

After I come home from work, I hope to do a bit of tidying/unpacking in the house, and hopefully surprise my love with some flowers by her bedside. Maybe I can make it to the local grocery store that was recommended to us as a hidden gem and purchase something fresh to make for dinner. I’ll give my sweetie baby romulus a million kisses and make sure he knows he is loved and cared for after a recent shift in attitude. 

I will make the best of my work day as well, filing and keeping busy so that the hours pass quickly enough that I don’t feel burdened by the day, but not so quickly that I feel it was a day wasted. I’ll relinquish control and keep my heart open and listen for the whispers of the universe. I believe that the realm of possibilities is overflowing with potential for me, and I believe that what I know and could manufacture as a storyline in my mind is a small blip in what is possible. Beautiful, great, amazing things will come to my life, things I could not fathom to be real. It will feel like a gorgeous joke, but it will be no cruel trick. It will be my life and it is my life. Sunshine touches us all today. Two days until my twenty-eighth birthday.